Own your own health – you’re the boss!
Years ago I learned that my health is my own responsibility – at all times! No one else can think your thoughts for you, drink your drink for you, eat your food for you and take on any of the consequences of decisions on your behalf. Life is not to be lived as a passenger and dealing with a massive health challenge (or other life crisis for that matter) is certainly no time to outsource it! Herein lies the lesson: You are the boss and need to take full ownership.
The last thing you want to do is give away your own authority and agency, only to become a helpless passenger or victim. By extension, do not place your life and enjoyment on hold, because you let a challenge rob you of your peace. Life is lived only in the now and no-one can live it for you.
Accept that you own your life, accept the reality of your current position and accept that you own all decisions in each every moment. Even doing nothing (such as going along) is still a decision! Therefore ALL consequences are for you to own too!
If you want to change your life, then you must consciously change your thoughts and perceptions of it, and more importantly change your actions and decisions before you can see the effect. You are your own captain and must change for future outcomes to change.
Make a conscious effort to take personal responsibility by saying things like: I choose.., as opposed to I have to, I was made to. Blaming external circumstances and others, while easy to do (I should know), is – frankly speaking – bullshit and the only thing that happens with faecal matter once it hits a fan, is stain your entire life! No person can make you do, think or feel anything! Your internal or external response is completely up to you! – And you know why this is important? Your health and enjoyment depend on you having agency!
How can you have any inner peace if you get upset at any little circumstance – being tossed around like an emotional roller-coaster. You are better than that! As God’s creation, the human mind is uniquely able to process and reflect on its own actions, thoughts and affections. We are not our thoughts or feelings either, these just flow through us and we experience them like an observer. You are the observer and have a choice which thoughts and feelings to dwell on, own or act on. Your mind is a private and personal domain that is completely and only occupied by you and so shaped only by you!
If you want to feel utterly depressed, stressed and hopeless, then try to continue to control all that is outside of you with the aim of generating peace within. (Sounds utterly insane doesn’t it?)
Prioritise yourself and your healing: as much as possible let someone else take care of work, shopping and dishes!
Do not compromise unless critical: Be clear and assertive about your choices – do not go along with something you don’t really like or avoid something you want, simply because you like to keep friendly or wish to avoid feeling uncomfortable in front of your oncologist, family or friends. (Don’t die for someone else’s feelings!)
It is important to prioritise yourself. While I do not know you personally, drawing from our own experience and connections, a great many people, live a martyrdom lifestyle and victimise themselves. Especially mothers, tend to put themselves after the children and family, putting on weight and forgetting to take time out for themselves. Men, although not exclusively, may be more inclined to sacrifice themselves for their work, in turn often also to support their family. It is true that we don’t exist for ourselves alone and that we should not be living a selfish lifestyle. However, bear in mind that there is a big difference between intention or ultimate objective and time (or progressive order). If you sacrifice yourself, whether your physical, mental or spiritual health you ultimately are of little use and good to those around you. In the end, things crash and you become unproductive and possibly dependent – the reverse of what you had perhaps intended. Instead, your ability to be useful and contribute to others requires an abundance withing for you to give from. Before you can fulfill your primary motive (helping others, being a caring person) you need to spent some effort first (in time) in preparing yourself to achieve this.
It is highly appropriate that you stop being a martyr (conscious or unconsciously) now look after yourself and place yourself and your healing first and foremost. The oxygen mask has dropped and you need to put it on yourself first before attending to others!
So, leave dishes, shopping, cooking and other housework to others if you can. Forget about cleaning, gardening and so forth, except to the extend you actually enjoy these things and they make you feel at peace and calm. Try to drastically simplify your life and unburden yourself from any stressors you can do without. It is time to prioritise your healing journey!
